Negativity is never good.

I am obese, and I am surrounded by pretty cousins.

I hate whiners. I wont whine much. It is my own fault that am fat.

Just saying, it kills me to snap pics happily, go back and look at it again.. only to realize that you are freaking ugly, compared to those around you.

Its no one's fault, just.. I do have an inferiority complex whenever am around my cousins, especially my mother's side. I don't give a damn even if some beauty queen is beside me, my self esteem stays intact,tho maybe it drops a lil bit.. but when its my cousins or friends of my cousins or bf or anyone who has anythg to do wif fam.. it just drops down to zero.

I think perhaps the reason being is my past. Because they know who and how i was in my past. Because being a psychology student, I know its not easy to change a person's first impression about you. And I know what kind of jerk I was back then. And so the main reason for the extreme inferiority whenever they are around is fear.. fear of not being accepted, because I want to be accepted. When its non family, who cares even if they choose to hate me. But rather than trying, I just choose to withdraw. Because its easier that way. *Okay, sila tumbuk saya sekarang, saya memang teruk.*

I am such a lost soul. I dont want to use my obesity as a demotivation, but thats exactly what's happening. *Sekali lagi, anda dibenarkan menumbuk dan menyepak saya sekarang.*