You can say I'm stupid..

..and perhaps I am. but I'd rather be this way, then continuously having bad thoughts about people.

Thing is, we had a ceiling air ventilator installed today. My father told the guy to installed it on top of the door. So the guy shut the door every time he had to installed it, in every room, to make it easier I guess. Me being the usual airhead, don't think of anything weird bout that. But then my brother comes out of his room and marah semua orang, since we didn't care to check, a stranger in our rooms, alone.. it took me several seconds to fathom why he was so angry. pelik ke tak tu? honestly, bukan nk tunjuk baik, but i have no thoughts whatsoever that the situation wasn't a nice one, that there's a risk of the guy being a bad guy, that he might have intention to steal something. SERIOUSLY. xterfikir langsung. luckily, so far, nothing is loss.

You could say its stupidity, or you could call it innocence, or.. I dunno.. But I guess in this world we live in today, perhaps this one characteristic that I possess is a danger towards myself. Is it?

It's better to be sorry than safe.

Paulo Coelho said those lines in my title. owh btw, when driving it's a whole different story. hahaha

Anyways...

is it better to let things go even when it bothers you a lot or is better to actually confront the problem?

i think most people would say it is better to confront.

then is it better to confront it than to just let it go, even when you know if you went and confront it, it will only give you more pain?

most people would say no. kan? so did one of my best friend. she's the only one i consulted regarding the matter anyway. haha.

I've been told by F a dozen times, of how stubborn i am.. and I know how he hated that part of me. But, I am just one of those few people who would actually go and confront the problem even when I know the consequences would be nasty. Because I cant live with 1001 questions lingering in my head every second of my life.

Is it wrong to demand a person to at least respect you? Sure, it is his prerogative to ignore me, but it is also my right to know why, isn't it? is it? no? yes?

I wont judge him bcoz, one-i don't really know him.. and two- as i had said earlier, it is his right. But i still want to exercise my rights to ask why.

Btw, to all men out there who happens to read this.. remember this:

For a woman, it is better to be rejected than to be ignored. When you tell her the truth, and reject her politely, sure she will hurt.. a lot. But she'll get over it, and at least she knows that she didn't made a mistake of liking an asshole. If you ignored her, it is like.. stomping all over her pride, her intelligence, her dignity. It only proves that you are a jerk and it will make the whole thing worst when she realizes it, because no one wants to be in love with a jerk. And no one wants to be left hanging, especially when you did flirted with her and gave her the wrong idea in the first place.

Sadly, most men are stupid enough to think that they are doing us girls a favor by ignoring us. *sigh*

and owh! I HOPE MANCHESTER UNITED SCREW THE REDS TONIGHT! actually, am pretty sure Liverpool will lose. muahahahaha.

[and yes once again i deleted a post i have written. so dun go looking for it, sudah dihapuskan. ngeh.]

Negativity is never good.

I am obese, and I am surrounded by pretty cousins.

I hate whiners. I wont whine much. It is my own fault that am fat.

Just saying, it kills me to snap pics happily, go back and look at it again.. only to realize that you are freaking ugly, compared to those around you.

Its no one's fault, just.. I do have an inferiority complex whenever am around my cousins, especially my mother's side. I don't give a damn even if some beauty queen is beside me, my self esteem stays intact,tho maybe it drops a lil bit.. but when its my cousins or friends of my cousins or bf or anyone who has anythg to do wif fam.. it just drops down to zero.

I think perhaps the reason being is my past. Because they know who and how i was in my past. Because being a psychology student, I know its not easy to change a person's first impression about you. And I know what kind of jerk I was back then. And so the main reason for the extreme inferiority whenever they are around is fear.. fear of not being accepted, because I want to be accepted. When its non family, who cares even if they choose to hate me. But rather than trying, I just choose to withdraw. Because its easier that way. *Okay, sila tumbuk saya sekarang, saya memang teruk.*

I am such a lost soul. I dont want to use my obesity as a demotivation, but thats exactly what's happening. *Sekali lagi, anda dibenarkan menumbuk dan menyepak saya sekarang.*

~

If you see me walking the road with someone else
It is not because I like his company
It is because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time
It is not because he pleases me
It is because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat
If you feel me falling with someone new
It is not because I love him
It is because you were not there to catch me as i fall.
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going.
Are we gonna cross each other's path.
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound
Don't let me walk with him
It's you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with..

*not mine, found it on the internet. heartbreaking. I really wish it was all a big misunderstanding.. but I dunno.. one can only hope...

Redha.. Is what i hope to achieved.

In case there is a slight feeling of concern or curiosity in your heart..

Know that at times I still wish I had approached you sooner. I still wish you would reappear. I still long to see your smile again. I still have very strong feelings for you.

Ramadhan is a holy month. Miracles happens, prayer's answered.. If we are sincere enough and Allah wills.

I pray.. Allah will help me understand.

Di saat

Found this in Hanis Zalikha's blog, which she found in another person's blog. just too good, have to share it. no idea who's the original writer tho. silalah baca, sangat bagus. i especially like the last part. hayatilah~

Di saat

Disaat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang
ingatlah pada saat kamu ingin mendapatkannya



Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya
ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya



Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya
ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya



Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya
bayangkan jika dia selalu setia



Saat kamu ingin membohonginya
ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu



Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu
Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu,
Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu




Yang indah hanya sementara
Yang abadi adalah kenangan
Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari



Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
Tidak mudah mengejar impian



Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yg ada
Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga
Ingatlah pada pepatah, "Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini"



Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif
Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun,
begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas
Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun..



Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi
Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki
Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan
Apalagi yang mau disombongkan



Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani
Jangan terlalu perhitungan
Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri
Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita
Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih
Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah
Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa



Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan
Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan
Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus.

My biggest regret.

I am finally done with my degree. And now I am somehow lost. no, wait, I've always been lost. Lost and having no specific direction whatsoever at all. hmph. but now am even more lost. haha. okay2, too much pembebelan x berfaedah.

Anywayyy.. my results are bad. seriously, honestly. it's bad. and the worst thing of all is that, realizing why I didn't score for my papers only after I'm done with them all doesn't help much. I regretted every second of it. I have always been interested in Psychology. When i entered IIUM Matric i was still passionate bout it. Then I entered the main campus, was introduced to a boy, and I let him preoccupy my mind soooo much that nothing else sticks in there anymore. And everything changes. And i let it go on for 3 years. Stoooooooopid~~~~

*Just for the record, in case you read this F, am not blaming you, it is entirely my own mistake.MY BIG MISTAKE.*

They told me about it. in matric. dun get involved with a boy, especially international students, you'll get drifted away from ur studies. and at that time i was like.. 'owhh yea I'll keep that in mind,definitely'. masuk2 main campus, I did the exact opposite.

Every class i go to for the past 4 years except in my final and final short semester there, I entered the class and force myself to study just so that i won't fail. I never really listen. I never got myself engaged in what was being taught. And dammit I can't possibly describe how I hate myself now for that. I know i have the brain, but i never had the will. And you know where there is no will, nothing will be achieved.

And I wonder, now that the will is back, is it too late?